Wednesday, April 16, 2014

What Writers Should Unlearn From High School English Classes

High school marks what most people would regard as some of the worst years of many peoples existence.  It's the awkward in between years when people are finding themselves and their place in society.  It is clear there are a lot of things high school gets wrong, and most people would probably agree much of what is taught is useless information never to be used again and quickly forgotten after prom is over the the diploma is in hand.  English seemed to be an exception, but the best piece of advice came on the first day of my Grade 11 English Class.  The teacher was asking the class one-by-one why we were taking the highest level English.  When it was my turn to answer I said, "because I want to be an author."  Her reply, "Then you will have to forget everything you learned in this class."  

It wasn't until years later that I really understood what she meant.  For the young writers out there, here are some things high school English classes get wrong.

1. Don't use semicolons: This was a big no-no ever since I started journalism school.  The seemly harmless semi-colon was a forbidden piece of punctuation and under no circumstances was it ever published in our paper.  The logic behind this is semi-colons are useless and can easily be avoided by simply making another sentence.  Studies have shown that the presence of a colon trips up the eye as someone reads along and the brain doesn't know how to process the punctuation.  

“First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”  ― Kurt Vonnegut

2. Avoid big words: As much as writers love throwing in large pretentious sounding words to prove their intelligence and because in high school a larger vocabulary gets better marks on an essay, simple is always better.  The KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) rule was said many times during my print journalism classes, needing a thesaurus every few words probably means the average reader wont understand.  Unless writing for an academic paper or journal the smaller the word the better.  Instead of purchased use bought, instead of received use got, it will flow nicer.  Although simple words are better find a wide range of vocabulary to avoid a lot of repetitive wording. 

3. Paragraphs size: High school always claimed paragraphs needed to be between 5-8 sentences long, although that may be the ideal in some circumstances, depending on what is being written it is hardly a set in stone rule and is more likely to be broken than followed, especially in journalism where 1-2 sentence paragraphs are the norm.  

4. Sentence Fragments are Valid: Vary the length of sentences to keep a piece interesting to the eye of the reading.  Shorter sentences are easier to read but when writing a piece always include longer sentences and then a few shorter ones.  The sentence fragment can be a valuable writing device to hammer in a point.  Really.  Don't be afraid of a three word sentence or even one word, just be sure to use it wisely.  

5. Don't overuse brackets: High school teaches students to use brackets to insert extra information not directly included in the sentence.  However they often slow readers down and can be avoided a lot of the time––unless putting the explanation for an acronym into a story––by using dashes.  It will make the text flow easier and look neater.   

One more bonus point––although it doesn't apply to novelist––is there is no need to include all the information in the lead.  Some of the most effective essays and feature stories withhold key information to the second or third paragraph to increase the suspense.  I once published a movie review that didn't include the title of the movie until the end of the second paragraph.  Rules are made to be broken although it's probably not wise to try this tactic on a high school paper.  


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